yearlongexperiment

Stats 2.17.15 –

Weight: 217.5
Fat Mass: 96.0
Water Mass:89.0
Muscle/Other Mass: 32.5
Money Earned This Week: $2
Money Earned Total: $4

So I haven’t managed to kick it into gear yet, so I’m changing things up a bit. I am going to do an 8 day challenge. Kind of like a kick-start program. Lots of things happening at the same time, to challenge myself to really push through. I might not hit every task 100% each day, but as long as I feel like it was more successful than not I earn a dollar. I could earn $8 this week!

Each Day –

1. Drink 125 oz water
2. Eat on my meal plan, only on my meal plan
3. Some form of exercise every day
4. Eat zero sugar in the form of chocolate, baked goods, etc.
5. Take all of my meds and supplements

All of this will be hard, but it is short term and with so many things going on I will likely do really good with some and let others slide. I operate really well in this type of arena, I feel much better about things if I get 75% of 100 things, vs. if I get 100% of 3 things done. Just the way my head works. The idea is that it will take a huge amount of focus to keep all of these things going and  I will be going out of town next Thursday so there is an end in sight, with a built in reward at the end! My thought is that putting in so much effort this week will make next week feel easier, plus it will kick-start all of the healthy things I need to be doing and will help me feel ok for travelling. Traveling can be a challenging experience in my condition – easy to get dehydrated, lack of easy access bathrooms, challenging to find food I can eat, nerves, etc. If I am at a good place physically before I start traveling it is much easier to maintain.

I will try to touch base in a few days to keep myself accountable – around the mid-week point (Sun/Mon)…

Stats 2/10/16-

Weight: 219.0lbs
Fat Mass: 96.5lbs
Water Mass: 89.5 lbs
Muscle/Other Weight: 33.0 lbs
Money Earned: $2

So, the close of my first week (1 down, 35 to go!) had some successful and not so successful moments. The overall goal of this week was planning and preparation; figuring out how I wanted to set things up, testing out some ideas, and getting things ready. In the end, I got a ton of stuff done – Blog set up, check; Family/Friends emailed, check; Motivation Wall made, check; general plan developed, check.

Some things didn’t go exactly according to plan, such as earning $2 instead of $5, but that is just fine. I wanted to focus more on getting things set up, mentally preparing myself, and really think about how to set myself up for success. I am happy with the overall success of this week!

My 5 daily goals for this upcoming week are:

1. Drink 125oz of water
2. Meditation (using my Stop, Think, Breath app)
3. Eat 4 fruits and veggies
4. Exercise
5. Morning Yoga

Hopefully I can earn some good money towards my skydiving video this week!

Ok so this past week has been all about developing the plan. I want to lose weight, and get healthier, great. How am I going to do that? It is difficult to say exactly how many times I have faced this same question, and if I am being honest, how many times I have tired and experienced a less than optimal result. What am I going to be doing this time that will be permanent (i.e. a lifestyle) and successful?

The past year has been extremely educational. I have learned a good bit about how my body responds to things, as well as how my brain responds to things. I am going to use this information to help myself get it right this time. All of the attempts I have made in the past to live a healthier life have merely been educational moments that I can use at this point in my life.

Factors involved in me living a healthier life:

1. Water – I cannot stress enough how drinking the right amount of water impacts me for the better. A lot of articles, professionals, etc. say that one of the great reasons to drink water is to help you feel full. Screw that! For me it is vital for basic functioning. I have to get roughly a gallon (125 oz) of water each day in order to maintain a balance with the extra water I lose thanks to my colectomy.
2. Food – second most important contributor is my diet – not as in ‘I’m going on a diet’ but as in the food I consume. My body needs 5-7 small meals a day. When I go for long periods of time without food, my system gets rough. Bile acid is no joke guys. While white starches are the easiest thing for my body to process, the nutritional value is basically nothing. This part is hard. My body HATES vegetables. I mean for real. They are something I have to consume, however, and I have a few tricks to make it work. Proteins are reasonable on my body, especially ones low in fat.
3. Exercise – 80% of weight loss is in the food choices one makes. BUT, exercise is not only  a great addition to help weight loss, it is also vital for mental health, keeping focus, getting stronger, helping my body process food, and from what I hear, a routine with established exercise helps maintaining weight loss once you lose weight.
4. Mental health – This is, honestly, the biggest factor in my journey to getting healthier. I have a condition called Depression. It’s not something I talk about much, mainly because I am still trying to understand it and I also don’t want it to be a crutch. It is incredibly impactful in so many areas of my life. It can determine how much I can do, how easily I am swayed, my ability to get myself to do things. In any challenge set before me, from running a marathon to changing careers, 90% of it has always been a mental game. I know my body can handle whatever I throw at it (for the most part), but it is my brain that must fight the hardest.

The overall plan is to:

1. Drink 125oz of water every day

• I love the Smart Water water bottles, the big ones. I need to drink 4 of those each day. It makes it helpful, especially on days I work. I need to drink 1 before work, 2 at work, and 1 when I get home.

2. Eat 5-7 small meals/snacks each day, every few hours.

• Catherine (my nutritionist at LifeStyle Medical Center) gave me a food plan that works pretty well and is something I can modify for my specific needs (i.e. white starches instead of ones with high fiber since that presents a problem for my small intestine). It is fairly similar to a food plan my family is familiar with – Body for Life. The basic concepts for this food plan is low fat proteins, fruits and veggies, and as-complex-as-I-can-handle carbs, all eaten in small portions throughout the day.

3. Exercise 4-6 times per week

• I have lots of options for exercise. I work at the barn every Friday, and I typically have horseback riding lessons on Thursdays. Those are both definitely exercise! I joined a local Planet Fitness to help out on other days, as well as YouTube yoga, my recumbent exercise bike, and outdoor activities like hiking, walking, or tennis with friends.
• My barn chores = upper body + cardio, and my lesson = lower body + cardio. In addition to that I need to get in at least 1 full body workout and 1-2 days of cardio each week. A quick yoga session (love Sara Beth yoga on YouTube) a few times a week will help improve flexibility and also reduce stress. By the way, doing all of this activity is something I plan to build up to, not start all at once!

4. Mental Health

• There are quite a few things I can do to help my mental game. Yoga and meditation are two options I want to use regularly, daily if possible. Playing on the piano, and coloring in my adult coloring books are some non-food/fitness activities that help. I plan to see my therapist regularly as well.

5. Breaks

• Breaks are going to be an important part of keeping up with all of this. I get worn down faster than I used to. I am hoping that I will be able to build up my endurance some, but I also respect that in order to make continuous progress I need to give my mind and body a break every now and then. Right now, I am planning on having a day off each week where I don’t try to accomplish any goals, I can eat some not-great-for-me food, and I get to either do something low-key but fun exercise or a break entirely. This is the Body for Life way, and I know from history it can be successful for me.

I know this has been a long blog but I wanted to get my plan out there, really state what I am going to be doing, makes it more real 🙂

As I begin to formulate my plan for weight-loss, new pieces to the puzzle keep popping up. I have to find all of the pieces and get them put together to create the challenge.

• First step, scheduling the jump. I have to figure out when I am off work for the weekend around the time frame that I am looking at (October), and call and get it scheduled.
• Second step, getting this blog up and running. I have to clean it all up, get my initial blogs posted, etc.
• Third, I have to get my motivation board done. It is a collection of inspiration that I hang on the inside of my front door. I’ve done it a few times, with mild success, and this one is going to be different – it’s attached to this blog.
• Fourth, I decide to collect money from myself each week to put in an envelope to pay for a new video. I’ve already paid for the jump, but the video package is an additional $150. It has to be cash so that I can see it, feel it. An account online just wouldn’t have the same affect. The cash will be a reward for days I nailed it in some fashion. $1 per day of doing great.
• Fifth, I need to set a number for the challenge – I weighed 218.5lbs on the scale at the Drop Zone (skydiving place). I kind of cannot believe that I just wrote that, but it does make it more real. My nutritionist says 1-1.5lbs per week is a good estimate for me on weight-loss.
• Sixth, email close friends and family to either join me, follow my blog and support me, or both!

Taking all of this in, here is the challenge I have formulated:

On October 15th, 2016 I will skydive again. When I weigh in on that day I will be under 165lbs. I will aim to collect $5 per week towards my video package. I will use my Motivation Board to renew my determination, and in addition I will use this blog, and and the friends/family who read it, to keep me accountable.

This is a huge challenge that I am setting before myself. When I think about it though, I really am no stranger to taking on, and winning, a challenge. In the past, I have moved to a foreign country on my own and I have trained for, and run, a marathon.  In my current life, I have moved away from my family and all that is familiar, made new friends, created a new life. I have survived having an organ removed. And we all know, crazy as we are, Johnsons have a hard time turning down a challenge…and we sure do like to win :]

p.s. I kind of feel like that moment when right before I jumped out of the plane – “Am I seriously about to do this? Hell yes I am!”

DCIM100GOPRO

DCIM100GOPRO

DCIM100GOPRO

I can’t breath. I can’t think. I actually can’t feel anything at all, my mind is completely numb and incapable of functioning. I am 13,500 feet up in the air and I just willingly jumped, or rather fell/was pushed, out of a perfectly functioning airplane. For just a few seconds there is nothing, absolutely nothing. Then it all comes rushing in – the wind, the sun, the speed, the falling, the weightlessness, the ground, the sky, the gear I am wearing. I have never in my life experienced so much stimuli hitting me all at the same time – it is amazing and overwhelming awesomeness. Until I look at the video taken of me skydiving, that is.

“OMG do I seriously look that awful in real life?” This is obviously said to myself, as everyone at Triangle Skydiving Center in Louisburg, NC is merely interested in helping me celebrate that I just experienced my first tandem jump (skydiving attached to an instructor behind me). The jumpsuit is definitively unflattering, with the straps highlighting all the least complementary physical aspects of myself. The goggles make me look even more bug-eyed than normal. The angles of the video are intentionally shot from an upward angle since the videographer has to get to the ground before you, she goes first. The wind? Oh yes, moving the skin on my face around is bizarre looking too, but that happens to everyone. “OMG do I seriously look that awful in real life?,” I repeat to myself. I am genuinely trying to ride the wave of, “I’m so awesome because I just did this” because it’s true, but it is hard to focus on that when I see what I’m looking at. It is a rude awakening. Yes, the conditions of the jump are not something I experience in real life, but babe, you’ve got work to do (p.s. these photos are 3 of the best of 300).

I decide that I am going to go again, and I am going to pay for another video. And it will be different. I pay for the next jump that day, there’s a major discount if you do, and the wheels in my head start spinning. It takes another week for things to start really coming together. I am writing a Letter to Will, and it sparks a thought – almost 9 months until my birthday, almost 80lbs to lose…what if I schedule my next jump near my birthday and make a plan to change my health for the better by then? And, what if I were to write about it like I have been writing in my Letters to Will? I began to formulate a plan…

“February 5th will forever be a date tattooed in my brain…”

I had monumental hopes and dreams to be in a completely different place by my one year anniversary. I had all of these things I wanted to have accomplished, things I wanted to have done by now. I wanted to be fit – physically, financially and mentally. I wanted to own my own world. Quite the amazing feat to accomplish, I assure you.

Looking back at the last year with the eyes of an observer,  I absolutely did not accomplish these dreams. I am not physically, mentally, or financially healthy in the way I was expecting to be. However, I have accomplished some pretty amazing things that I need, I must, to stop and respect.

I have learned to cope without a body part. While my large intestine is not something that others can physically see, challenges I have faced have been similar to someone dealing with losing an arm, an eye, a leg – some tragic loss that others can see. I have dealt with being embarrassed by others and embarrassing others, I have experience being frustrated with myself and others, I have had to rely on extensive help from others, I have learned to cope with new lifestyle habits, I have dealt with saying goodbye to old lifestyle habits.

These are all accomplishments that have been difficult, that I have fought to achieve. I have had to work hard at understanding and appreciating what my body is having to deal with. I have been learning patience with myself, and my body. I have been learning compassion towards myself, as well as learning to respect what my body has been through and has accomplished.

This road hasn’t been easy, but it has become manageable. Lying in the hospital bed, I was told this day would come, I knew in my head it would happen. Understanding my “new normal,” and accepting it are also not easy to do. This is my life from now on, this is how things will continue to be, and they are not amazing and unassuming. But that does not mean that I am confined to a life of unobtainable dreams.  I have realized that I can not only survive my circumstances, but that I can actually, with a little work, thrive in them.

February 5th is going to be a day I remember for the rest of my life…I woke up, for the second time that day, around 8pm. My world was irreversibly different from the last time I was awake, there was zero ability or opportunity to go back to my old life. I would learn to live without things, learn to handle things in new ways, learn to appreciate new things. I no longer had a large intestine, mine was removed, gone forever. This day would permanently be tattooed in my mind as a day for major life changes…a second New Year’s in a way.

As the anniversary approaches, I begin to realize that while is quite possible the genetic disorder FAP (Familial Adenomatous Polyposis) has more ‘surprises’ down the road for me, my life has actually reached a certain level of balance. The new normal has arrived. They told me it would happen, and for the past year I have wondered what it would look like. It has sneakily crept up in so slow a fashion that I barely noticed. “How often are things changing right now?,” I asked myself. The answer? Not very. I have good days, bad days, weird days, and surprising days. For the most part, however, my weeks look about the same. New foods still wreck havoc on me, not taking care of myself does too, but all in all each week looks pretty similar to the last week…my new normal.